I adore my family. I was meant to be a mom. The struggle to get PandaGirl was a tough one. Many trials, detours, wonderings, defeats just to get her. God had a plan and we have a daughter. Thank You, Lord. I was hoping that this next adoption would be easier. HA! It is turning out to be the same song, second verse. Yes, this is somewhat a venting post. I don't use my blog for that, because who wants to read other people's woes? Everyone has enough of their own. Today though, I just have to get it out. I am so incredibly frustrated with this adoption process. For over a month now (not to take away from the last TWELVE YEARS of trying!!!) we have been on this crazy roller coaster of trying to figure out what we are supposed to do about adding to our family. In one breath I say that I am trusting the Lord for His plan, yet when things come along and push us down again I find myself getting all whiney about how hard it is. Thank goodness my salvation and eternal security don't rest on anything I can do. My attitude alone would screw all that up. God IS good.
Jars of Clayhas a song out now (that has THE coolest video!) called "Work" and the lyrics say..."I have no fear of drowning. It's the breathing that's taking so much work." How is it that we can go from complete ecstasy to down in the dumps about life? Part of the journey we are on is balancing the fact that as a Believer we have an eternal home waiting for us yet we are here on this little planet for a purpose. I am grateful for the opportunity to grow closer to the Lord. I do trust Him. I am just so frustrated and wondering right now. Other families who struggle to build can identify with me on this.... Why is it so hard to get one child when the world seems to be able to "pop" them out like Pez candy...many of them not even liking Pez. My dispenser is broken. There is no possibility of me getting pregnant. None. I have had surgery and will never carry a baby. You'd think then that maybe adopting would be the sure fire way to get children. When you hear the word "adoption" it might bring up thoughts of how wonderful it is to take in a child. How noble. How simple. Well, it is a VERY COMPLICATED process, very long, very expensive and very frustrating. In the end it is all worth it. I just want there to be an end. We are still not sure what we are going to do. Since the week before Christmas we have literally gone from going to China for the second time to "NO!", to domestic, to Hong Kong, to Korea, to El Salvador, to Vietnam, back to domestic, Oh wait!---maybe you REALLY CAN go back to China---Oh wait, not really...back to domestic.....what IS this craziness? Our lot? God's plan? I know that we will only get stronger through this. Many people have it worse. We are blessed and could never even begin to count all those blessings. I'll get over this and move on and look back one day and wonder why I fretted, but for today I am tired of struggling.
II Corinthians 4:7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.
7 comments:
Hello HappyFeetFamily! I am praying for God to lead the PandaFamily in the right direction! God has an amazing plan for you. There is another child in this glorious world made for just your arms...God will deliver the child to you soon. Keep the the Faith! Your Sister In Christ, Tammy
My priceless mentor and friend~
I'm sitting here at work welling up from reading your post. I always enjoy seeing the "fun" updates, the cute things to make mention of in an entry, but reading words that are coming from your very core have moved me. I didn't read that as "venting" at all, but rather, as being honest about this valley you've found yourself in, and in part, confessing where you don't always trust Him. You are absolutely right--from your perspective, this has been a long journey, seemingly unending. But rest assured that we are not given the name THE CHURCH to walk alone. I well up because this is one of those moments when I feel a longing in the pit of my soul to be there with you when I realistically can't. Our bond, though, is stronger than miles, so I can't express to you enough how much you are in my prayers in this moment and the days surrounding it.
I know this must be a hard time for you & your family. I know that God has the perfect addition to your family already picked out...just waiting for Him to make His will known is hard though! Please keep us posted on the process...
Thank you for such an honest post, I can relate to how you are feeling and will definitely keep you in our prayers. God does know best but that still doesn't stop it from being hard at times.
PM
I'm hugging you from Minnesota. We sometimes wish we knew God's plans for our lives. And we sometimes think WE have the perfect route our lives should go. But when its all said and done and we look back at the road God has taken us on we marvel at His greatness. I know when we started on our journey to get Toot there were times I thought God must be taking a day off and I'm just wandering, but that "wandering" led us to our beautiful girl and a friendship with you.
that picture! So cute and cozy! Just like I like things!
I just want to give you a hug--what you have been through does sound hard,but your faith in God is evident and will be what brings you through. You have been blessed and I pray God will allow another child in your family,in whatever way He sees as best.
I'm glad you have been so honest! My heart breaks with you-you have had a hard time. We all struggle with different things as we walk along this path of life,but I think infertility would be one of the hardest things to wrestle with. We don't understand why or how God puts families together...but,it is so exciting to see it when He does. I'll be praying esp for you and your family now.
Kim
I don't know why it cut off my message...it was supposed to say..."I love that picture" at the beginning. Maybe I left off part of the sentence...it would not surprise me one bit! : )
Post a Comment