Love Your Family

I adore my family. I was meant to be a mom. The struggle to get PandaGirl was a tough one. Many trials, detours, wonderings, defeats just to get her. God had a plan and we have a daughter. Thank You, Lord. I was hoping that this next adoption would be easier. HA! It is turning out to be the same song, second verse. Yes, this is somewhat a venting post. I don't use my blog for that, because who wants to read other people's woes? Everyone has enough of their own. Today though, I just have to get it out. I am so incredibly frustrated with this adoption process. For over a month now (not to take away from the last TWELVE YEARS of trying!!!) we have been on this crazy roller coaster of trying to figure out what we are supposed to do about adding to our family. In one breath I say that I am trusting the Lord for His plan, yet when things come along and push us down again I find myself getting all whiney about how hard it is. Thank goodness my salvation and eternal security don't rest on anything I can do. My attitude alone would screw all that up. God IS good.

Jars of Clay

has a song out now (that has THE coolest video!) called "Work" and the lyrics say..."I have no fear of drowning. It's the breathing that's taking so much work." How is it that we can go from complete ecstasy to down in the dumps about life? Part of the journey we are on is balancing the fact that as a Believer we have an eternal home waiting for us yet we are here on this little planet for a purpose. I am grateful for the opportunity to grow closer to the Lord. I do trust Him. I am just so frustrated and wondering right now. Other families who struggle to build can identify with me on this.... Why is it so hard to get one child when the world seems to be able to "pop" them out like Pez candy...many of them not even liking Pez. My dispenser is broken. There is no possibility of me getting pregnant. None. I have had surgery and will never carry a baby. You'd think then that maybe adopting would be the sure fire way to get children. When you hear the word "adoption" it might bring up thoughts of how wonderful it is to take in a child. How noble. How simple. Well, it is a VERY COMPLICATED process, very long, very expensive and very frustrating. In the end it is all worth it. I just want there to be an end. We are still not sure what we are going to do. Since the week before Christmas we have literally gone from going to China for the second time to "NO!", to domestic, to Hong Kong, to Korea, to El Salvador, to Vietnam, back to domestic, Oh wait!---maybe you REALLY CAN go back to China---Oh wait, not really...back to domestic.....what IS this craziness? Our lot? God's plan? I know that we will only get stronger through this. Many people have it worse. We are blessed and could never even begin to count all those blessings. I'll get over this and move on and look back one day and wonder why I fretted, but for today I am tired of struggling.

II Corinthians 4:7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

Roller Coaster!!!

You'd think with the MAJOR roller coaster we were on while trying to get PandaGirl in our life that somehow we'd be used to it. Guess again. We are back on the swirly thing with this new round of adoption adventures. Our emotions have gone from up, down, twisting all around, jerked, pulled, thrilled, saddened, scared trying to know what our next steps are to be in building our family. I am choosing to NOT go into any detail just yet about what might be next on this little journey, but I CAN say that God is in control and that I just need to breathe and relax and let Him do things in His timing.