Ponderings

My heart is heavy. After reading about all the events with the Chapman family and all the love from all over the world during their time of unthinkable loss I have just pondered the wonderful honor it is to be a part of something so big. This adoption thing. My daughter. I am connected to so many people because of her existence in our life.

How blessed I am to have never carried a child in my tummy.

I don't think I would have ever thought of adoption for us if I were to have had biological children. God knew better. His plan was best. I am a better person for knowing each of the families I have met with a Chinese daughter. These girls are connected to each other even if they never meet. God is doing something mighty and wonderful by allowing these girls to become part of something bigger than themselves.

What a privilege to have a daughter from China.

That is not to mean anything negative to those who only have biological children. I just feel blessed to have walked this road and found friends along the way who share a connection to China. Despite any differences, we are bonded because of our daughters.

I don't really know the babies in the random pic above, but in a way I do. My daughter was one of those girls in a crib like that once. My life is filled with abundant blessings because she started out all bundled up like that. I feel connected to the Chapman family not just because of his amazing music, but because of our daughters.

Overwhelming grace, never-ending mercy. What a gift to be an adopted child of God. That's what we are as Christians. Believers. Once lost, now found. Adopted by the God of all creation. Bonded. Eternally.

The Chinese character for Daughter.

Memorial Day 2008

Hebrews 12:1-3
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”


So many Believers have gone on before us. They are experiencing life as it was supposed to be...in perfection. We have that hope so we continue this race here on earth for the glory of God. He has a purpose for each one of us. The Steven Curtis Chapman family, like many other families in our world are facing dark skies like the pic below, but the Chapman's, however, have HOPE in Jesus Christ to lift them from the pain of their loss in order to keep running the race.

We are not here on this earth to buy more things or make a great name for ourselves. Our pastor told us yesterday that there are two things which will go on forever:

1. The Word of God
2. Human Souls

What are we spending our time on?

On this Memorial Day I am grateful for the soldiers who have served the USA to provide my freedom. I am also remembering loved ones who lived a godly life and have gone on home. They are the cloud of witnesses cheering me on to finish the race I have set out to run. I am remembering the ultimate price paid for me when Jesus gave His life to pay for my debt making me free forever. Only by the grace of God can I keep running.

Tragic Loss

Please pray for this family. Steven Curtis Chapman is the most widely known and accomplished Christian music artist. He music is straight from the heart of God. He and his family were the final catalyst for us choosing to adopt from China. They have three biological children and three from China. Their youngest was killed in a freak accident by one of his teenage sons. All this is so heartbreaking and this family needs our prayer coverage. You can click on the link for the news story.
Chapman Story

Wordless Wednesday-#23 Boys & Their Toys

The End of a Chapter...

PandaGirl's last day of preschool was Friday. Her "graduation" ceremony was actually last Monday so Friday was just a fun stress-free day for the kids and teachers. She was making me laugh after school by being in her room and making up a song with lyrics along the lines of "I'm not a Bluebird anymore...I'm going to Kindergarten...I'm so great" etc. Very funny! We are now looking forward to Kindergarten, are enrolled and have found out that her school is very good. That makes me be able to stomach the public school things I don't like...a wee bit more.

Both classes of kids headed to Kindergarten in the fall had fun on the last day of preschool enjoying popsicles outside together.

Friday night was spent celebrating SpicyGirl's daddy's graduation from college! It was a long time in coming, but it is now finally complete! Way to go DaddySpice...the PandaFam is so proud of you! It's always a fabulous treat to see our precious SpicyFamily whom we love so much!!!

Spelling Issues

Just wanted cyberspace to know that I DO know how to spell Netflix as opposed to Netlfix like I posted earlier. See, it's one of those blonde moments. ; )

Meme Times Two

The Fun Version


I am: a true blonde with all the blonde moments one can conjure up!

I think: caramel frappuccinos and chocolate malts are like manna from heaven.

I know: all that glitters is not gold. People are real and nobody "has it together".

I want: to be at my goal weight in the morning. HA!

I hate: buying fresh fruit and it rots in my fruit bowl or fridge waaaaaaay too soon! Irritating.

I miss: the feeling of a size 8 pair of jeans.

I fear: snakes!!!!!!!!!

I feel: safe in PandaPop's arms. Awe--how sweet.

I hear: teeth grinding and go completely biserk!!!!!! I CAN'T STAND IT and PandaGirl DOES IT!!!!!!!

I smell: green apple bubble gum and am instantly back on the school bus as a kid.

I crave: horrible-for-you, fattening, yummy food!

I search for: new ideas and ways to spend time with my hubby and daughter that will create a memory.

I regret: getting FAT!

I love: strolling down memory lane. Oh, and Lucy. ; )

I ache: after busting my rear with Turbo Jam!

I care: that my bed is made in the morning. Can't leave the house with a messy bed.

I always: use absolute words like always and never.

I am not: shy.

I believe: drivers who are stupid, oblivious or arrogant should have their tires shot out while driving....except when I am one of "those" drivers! LOL!

I sing: great with my iPod earbuds in my ears!

I cry: when one of my nails breaks before it's time to re-do them all.

I fight: not comparing myself to all the great things that people post on their blogs and wanting something from their life more than mine. Yikes.

I win: jack-diddle.

I lose: my wits when PandaGirl drives me nuts with incessant whining or opposition! GRRRRR!

I never: seem to eat right and exercise at the SAME TIME!

I listen: to 80's music and I am right back in high school again...carefree...but am glad to come back to reality when the song is over....I do NOT want to be a teenager again!

I can usually be found: LAUGHING.

I am scared: of lightning storms!

I need: a frappuccino right now, this very moment (written at 8:30PM while PG is griping from her bedroom about a choice the she made and doesn't like the outcome). Refer to "I lose" for a reason why. Sarcastic smile.

I am happy about: Netlfix!!! I love it when my mailbox has a little red envelope with a new movie inside!

I hope: I don't burn too badly while riding in the Jeep this summer!!!






The Serious Version:

I am: blessed, chosen, adopted, accepted, redeemed & forgiven (because of the love of Jesus Christ) as told to me by the book of Ephesians 1:3-8 in the Bible.

I think: being a mom is exasperating and exhilarating.

I know: that my man loves me and would do anything for my well-being and happiness and that PandaGirl was meant to be our daughter.

I want: to live on a horse ranch in the beautiful country-side and host a retreat center there.

I hate: when I don't live in the freedom Christ promised me.

I miss: all my dear friends from all the places we have lived.

I fear: not being who God created me to be.

I feel: deeply.

I hear: Christians bicker over worship styles and it makes me so sad...as if worship is about them and not God.

I smell: rain coming and am moved to worship it's Creator.

I crave: to be in God's perfect will all of the time.

I search for: stability and security.

I regret: not taking care of myself and gaining way too much weight.

I love: perfect days...when my mood is right, the air is right, the activity is right, the music is right, the food is right, my joy is right, my world is right for a moment.

I ache: when I remember where PandaGirl came from and how her life started out.

I care: that people are discipled in the Truth.

I always: thank God for the blessings he gives me.

I am not: a finished product, but rather a continuous work of art being molded by the Artist.

I believe: God is who he says he is--God can do what he says he can do--I am who God says I am--I can do all things through Christ--God's word is alive and active in me.

I sing: and my soul is moved when the lyrics are exactly what I am feeling about my life or God.

I cry: at the mere thought of losing PandaPop or PandaGirl to death.

I fight: the urge to get back on the emotional roller-coaster I got off of a few years ago.

I win: when I choose stability over the roller-coaster.

I lose: when I compare my life to someone else's.

I never: feel good about myself when I get angry at PandaGirl.

I listen: to wise teachers and preachers who speak the Truth of God and I am amazed at the insight given them.

I can usually be found: laughing.

I am scared: of not doing a good job as a mom.

I need: to be held by my man.

I am happy about: my marriage relationship to PandaPop.

I hope: that when I get to heaven God will say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

If you do this, too, then please let me know so I can come read your answers! This meme was really just ONE, but I couldn't resist doing two versions. I had to have a serious and a fun one. Do it how you want. ; )

Wordless Wednesday-#22-Just Being a Kid

If You're Goin' My Way...

I know it sounds so cheesy, but I have to preface this post with "everyday is Mother's Day at my house". PandaPop shows his love for me daily. Because the weather was so fabulous my choice of things to do for the day was to go Jeepin'!!! PP was sooo gracious as to oblige my request. Wink. (Thanks for the sacrifice, PP. I know it was hard to go driving around all afternoon in your toy.) I am blessed to be his wife and PandaGirl's mommy.

I started out the day with this:

Yesiree, it was my choice for lunch and I wanted this:

Gorgeous sunny day, but with temps in the 70's....traveling at 60 miles per hour is chilly with the wind blowing so PandaGirl had to bundle like this:

Of course, while Jeepin' I look like this:

Along the way---Glory to God!---we saw lots of this:

Oh....and we certainly had some of this:

And ended with my darling pink & purple car window Bling-Thing!

Mother's Day

It's a hard day for some. I know. I've lived it. For most, Mother's Day is a light-hearted celebration. For those who can't conceive a child or who have been in a perpetual "wait" for their adoptive baby--it is heavy-hearted and painful.

I have prayed for you today. I've cried your tears and felt the pierce in your heart. I know. Better yet, God knows. He knows you intimately. His timing is perfect. When our road seems broken, He leads us to His will if we let Him.

I celebrate today because I am a mother. Mommy to my precious PandaGirl. She makes me laugh, cry, giggle, wonder, enjoy, ponder, cringe, sigh, desire, create, invent, think, purge, re-evaluate, plan, dream. She is my gift, my daughter. I am grateful beyond words. She might just be my only child...ever. Not my plan, but one that I have embraced.

Thank you, Lord God, that You saw it in your plan to bring my daughter from the other side of the world to live in my heart forever. I am blessed.

Happy Mother's Day. ; )

Thursday Thirteen #26- The Jeep

1. There is a crazy subculture of Jeep owners that we knew nothing about, but totally fun!!!

2. A Sonic drink stop is a MUST with the top down!

3. Never apply fresh thick & gooey lip-gloss to your lips with the Jeep's top down and let the wind blow your hair at the same time. Doesn't work well.

4. Every Jeep Driver you pass....WAVES at you!!!!!

5. Our little threesome is so cute in our Jeep!

6. Having a Jeep makes you feel young and free!

7. A Jeep is basically a really large Lego toy for grown-up boys.

8. Jeep stands for Just Empty Every Pocket...for cool add ons.

9. There are two types of Jeeps....Wranglers & everything else.

10. Soccer moms drive SUVs and are into soccer. Jeep moms are into Jeepin'---trailblazing, rock climbing and muddin'!

11. Dirt good. Chrome bad.

12. No side steps requires PandaPop to help his girls in & out of the Jeep and he loves that!

13. Having a Jeep is as fun as it looks!

Wordless Wednesday-#21 Big Girl

Making This Right

A few posts ago I shared my enjoyment for the book The Shack. I was offended by a comment and instead of taking time to think clearly I responded with another post as a disclaimer.

That was wrong and I am sorry.

I still love the book and stand by what I said about it, but please know that I am openly admitting that I did not respond in a grace-filled manner, but rather from my own defenses.

I want to thank my very close personal friend for gently speaking truth to me. We differ greatly about the book, but we still serve the same God who teaches forgiveness and repentance.

If there are those of you who read this blog and don't comment and were offended by my response then I truly apologize for misrepresenting Jesus Christ to you. He is good all the time.

I Felt 18 Again!

Saturday night I went to the first secular concert that I have been to since 1989 when I saw Erasure! My friend, Abby celebrated her 30th birthday a few weeks ago and her hubby bought her four tickets to the Kenny Chesney concert. So I went for FREE! She invited another awesome friend who just turned 30 as well and then her sister-in-law who is under 30. Yeah, me, the grandma went and had a blast! Leanne Rimes and Brooks & Dunn were there, too on the Poet's & Pirates Tour. I don't drink alcohol of any kind so to have beer spilled all over my foot from the guy behind me was a treat. Not. The sadness there was the countless people I saw who seemed to portray that the high from the concert was their only real joy in life. One girl in particular looked my age and looked really hot....meaning a great body and dressed darling...but she jokingly/seriously told the people in front of us that "yeah, my husband is out scr*w*ng somebody else, but it'll only take a minute."---while she gestured with her hands the "act". I was so sad for her that she felt like that's "just" the way life is. I wanted her to know the hope of Jesus, but did I say anything? No. I just prayed for her. I enjoyed myself, but I honestly kept thinking how awesome it would be to be worshiping my God with Third Day, Jeremy Camp or Newsboys on stage! LOL! I have loved country music all my life, but the lyrics to most of the songs are so sad and have no hope. I had a complete BLAST, though!!! I stood in my chair (like everyone else!) for two hours of Kenny (I wasn't going to stand in my chair for the other two acts!) and my calves are STILL killing me from balancing!

It's a TOY!

Well, PandaPop finally got a toy that he has wanted for soooo long! Introducing....Rocky the Jeep! PandaGirl had fun naming him all by herself. My car is a black Nissan Altima named, Sophie. PG thinks they are "married" now. Hey, when you don't get more kids you just start naming your vehicles! LOL! ; )



I LOVE OUR JEEP!!!

Last night went " jeepin' " which is a new term for our house. Jeep top down, perfect temp. and a Sonic drive-by---wooohooooo! We have been down to one car for seven months so it will be nice to have the luxury of two again. Though, I will miss riding to work with PandaPop. We plan on many a grand adventure in this little baby! Wait a few days for Thursday Thirteen---I am dedicating it to this new Jeep world in which we have entered. Too fun!

Loud & Clear Update.

Just so we are all clear, I am not TELLING anyone they must go read this book from the previous post. The readers of this blog should be adults and can make their own decisions. I believe that when reading FICTION books one MUST take everything written with a "grain of salt" and KNOW that it is ONE person's attempt to express something within themselves. As I said before, this book is NOT the Bible. It certainly is NOT heresy. I brought away some Truth from it. Didn't say that I agreed with every word. I am no scholar, but I have studied Scripture myself under solid teaching as well as having a husband with a Master's degree in theology. I am sure that some people who consider themselves "reformists" won't like this book because God is taken out of his box for them and that is scary. NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON can explain God. His Word was given to all of us and we are to use discernment via the Holy Spirit, BASED on Biblical truths. I hope that I would not ever lead anyone astray from the Truth of God, but rather lead them straight to Him. Make sure you have read the book YOURSELF before solely relying on someone else's "review" just because they are in a leadership position. What they say might just be heresy, but you'd never know because you haven't educated yourself. Let's just say this post is a disclaimer for those who think that I have done something unbiblical by reading this fiction book.

More Than Thought Provoking...Life Altering

Many of the staff at our church have read this book. PandaPop said it was an absolute must for me to read. I am not a fast reader like him, but I just finished it yesterday. Many of you could read it in an evening. Can't even explain it in this small paragraph. Basically it is a poignant look at Who God is. It is not the Bible, but it certainly has given me a broader scope of Who I serve and Who I am the daughter of. Some of you might not like it. All I can say is that there are many truths of God in this work that are Biblically based concerning the character and heart of God. I hope you are as moved as I am. If you want more info then visit theshackbook.com

The line that got me: "Forgiveness is not about forgetting, Mack. It's about letting go of the other person's throat." That was the God character talking to a man whose six year old daughter has been murdered.

Make sure you don't put the book down before chapter 8. That's when it really kicks in like you've never read before. Let me know what you think---even if you don't like it.

Wordless Wednesday-#20 A Little Privacy, Please

Lookout BATMAN!

My darling little Bat-girl! Our preschool holds a fabulous Art Show for birth through age 4. All the art is child generated with the teacher's guidance. Our director does not want any kind of help from the teacher so that the kids' parents are seeing what the CHILD can do, not the teacher. It turned out so beautifully! I had a video of her in front of a tree made from boxes painted brown. All the children were a forest animal and had a speaking line about their characteristics. She did so GREAT! I can't get the video loaded, so the pic will have to do for now.


One of three of PG's art pieces.

We have a coffee bar at church and our director opened it up to the parents strolling "The Gallery" for free frappuccinos which meant the teachers (I teach in the other 4 yr. old class) got them, too! I will never pass up one of these for freeeeeeee!!!! ; )

We Miss YOU, PandaPop!

PP is gone to a Children's Ministry conference and will finish tomorrow. We are so spoiled because our little threesome doesn't really have to spend the night away from each other much. PandaGirl and I made a special dinner on Monday night for him complete with cute decor, a yummy enchilada soup and chocolate pudding for dessert! We also gifted him with a goody bag full of his favorite snacks. He loves it when we dote on him! ; ) Tonight is going to be stormy so PandaGirl and I are "staying up late" and she is getting to sleep with me...girls' night! We just got home from a great meal at an AWESOME friend's house! Thanks Lisa!!


This was our Monday night meal:


Hope you are having a fabulous time PandaPop! Hurry home!!!