As cute and darling as this little girl is I decided to post a few words to my new blogging buddies who are in the waiting period for their little girls from China. Other moms can surely agree with what I am saying, but I am coming about this from the perspective of someone who l-o-n-g-e-d for a child and watched with starry-eyed wonder as other mommies got to do their thing with their children while I just sat by waiting. I have thought that there is a chance that you girls waiting for your daughters could easily get caught up in how adorably cute my daughter is (that doesn't sound too biased, does it? ) and the girls in our playgroup are while forgetting that they are little people. Humans. Imperfect. They have emotions, stubborn wills, tempers, opinions and are in desperate need of a Savior just like you and me. They need discipline and training. Who wants to post pictures of a smart alec little toot? No! I want to post pictures of my sweet baby looking darling in all her clothes and doing funny things. That is NOT how things are all the time. We got our precious one at 15months old. INSTANT TODDLER! Need I say more? As much as I longed for a baby of my own and dreamed of the day that I would be a mom, nothing.....I mean NOTHING could have prepared my for the REALITY of motherhood. I wouldn't have listened. I was soooooo deadset on being a mom that I would not have heard anyone telling me how incredibly hard and challenging and life-changing it truly is. There is no way I could have understood what life would be like with a child since I had never experienced it. When we got PandaGirl she was heavy....25lbs to be exact and I thought my arms and wrists were going to fall off in China. It really hurt. Our sweet girl has a strong will that kept her alive in an orphanage for those 15 months and she was going to let us know it. While we adored her and were so excited, the reality hit me in China that my whole life just changed and I had actually prayed for it and waited a long time for this. My feelings weren't all lovey-dovey, but rather....this is HARD! I felt so guilty inside. It would be impossible to even know all the people who had lifted prayers to the Lord on our behalf long before PandaGirl was even in our arms. How could I NOT be overwhelmed with joy? I got my answer to so many tear-filled prayers. I was a mommy and I was lost. Literally for the first FIVE months I might as well have had post-partum depression, because I was in a daze wondering what I had done and how I wanted my life back the way it was with just PandaMAN and me. We were married for 11 years when we got her. Now all that "us two" was being split into "us two with a toddler". Remember that I still adored PandaGirl. It's just that when reality hit I wasn't ready and I don't know what would have gotten me ready. Enter.....personal issues. Parenting brings out so many aspects of your own personality that you never knew existed. All of a sudden you are doing anything it takes to help your child and to keep your sanity. I had emotions evoked that had literally never been a problem before and all of a sudden I was thrust into dealing with them. After that five months "training" period I really began adjusting well and was able to truly enjoy my new role as mom. I LOVE being a mom!!! I ADORE my PandaGirl and now can't wait for PandaBabyGirl to get here. Now I "know what I'm doing"....I say that almost tongue in cheek, because everyday brings new ways to learn and grow and eat a little humble pie every now and then. Maybe some of my playgroup moms will comment in the same vein. Only SpicyMom has a story similar to mine in that we were both first time moms and kinda freaked a bit at the first. Any parent can testify to the life-altering state you enter when that sweet baby comes along, not just adoptive parents with cute little China-babies. Kids are kids. They need structure, boundaries, freedom and love. Most of all they need Jesus. PandaGirl has already begun talking in spiritual ways that make my heart leap with joy! I have asked the Lord many times to write His name on her heart. She is our love. I just wanted to post a more realistic view of parenthood to my new friends. Don't be swayed into thinking my life is all charming just because my sweetie-pie takes great pics! HA! She keeps me alert, humble and on my knees. Hope all this rambling is worth a little something to you moms-to-be. Hug.
11 comments:
Parenting is very hard. Mac has always been such a sweet, kind hearted girl, never giving us any problems. Now, 1 month before she is to turn 13, she is starting to change. A few lies here and there and a little bit of an attitude. I am thinking, what have I got myself into? She is still the light of my world(being my only girl) but she is learning the hard way that she is not going to act like that without some consequences.
Oh the joys of parenting. I can't even begin to imagine what it would have been like to get Josiah at the age he is (16 months). It would have been a very rude awakening/opening into parenthood. I do look at your pictures and stories and others who have adopted from China and long to do the same even though I have two wonderful healthy children. But then I ask myself if I could truly do what you have done and started life together at 15 months and have the same love at first sight and patience I have had with my other two. Keep the stories and life lessons coming.
I have no idea what you are talking about! Ha! Just kidding. Although we have 2 bio children, waiting 17 years for the third child is almost like starting over. I had forgotten so much. I guess I had even forgotten how much fun it was. Yes, we have our issues, but our perspective this time is a little different. We know she's ours for a reason and we pray that DD's greatest desire in life will be to serve our Lord. We are so blessed!
How about quiting your job to be a SAHM, coming home from China with your new bundle of joy, realizing God was ready to move the family away from the church you had always known to a new city and new church..... Wow! We got it all in one year. But I sure do love being a Mommy and can't wait for Baby Spice to come along.
Aww, did you see the comment my newly-found friend Gretchen left on one of your recent posts? I met her through another girls' blog. Her and her husband are moving here in January from Illinois to start school :)
That can be so true--even with biologically-born kids--It sure was for me! I think the training manual leaves the hard part out on purpose!
Thanks so much for that post!! I bet I will be "hit" hard once I'm in China too!! I do know that it will be VERY hard on me for the first ??? months, especially being single!!
But I did very much enjoy your post and sharing the true feelings you had on becoming a family!!
God did give you exactly what you prayed for! A strong, healthy, beautiful girl, who will teat you to the 'nth degree! Children will bring you joy, sadness and the awesome wonder seen through their eyes. He will not give you more than you can handle, yet Lord, how much do you want us to handle!
This dance in life has just begun...beloved, but I have to say that I could not be MORE PROUD of YOU... your honesty, willingness & your open sharing of a very real part of your unusual journey but also very much a portion of each and every child...of the past, present & future. As stated 'kids are kids' and not pre-packaged/programmed angels...but always precious creations of fun, mystery, worry and giant brain twisters & heart changers. ha ha
Yes, there are Cinderella and Snow White moments.... but sometimes there are Grinches that wander in and out throughout the year and life itself...not just at Christmas time. ha ha
(that's probably WHY our Dear Lord gave us a Great Sense of Humor in order to survive. ha ha)
Thank you, Jana, for being wise enough and willing enough to try to bring forth (to help others) a very hard to talk about topic of discussion and fact of this very special journey.
Regardless, I am very proud of you and your courage...as always. #12 is still tops...ha ha
xoxoxoxoxoxo, M~~~~
Hi there! Thanks for your post... I am a lot like you in the respect that we have been waiting to have a child for much longer than this adoption process. It has been many not so easy years waiting to have a child. I am ready...as ready as I can be. We know there are things we can never prepare for and emotions we will never know until we are "there". We are just...ready to embrace anything that comes our way. What else can I say? Thank you for sharing your story with us! Your daughter is absolutely beautiful.
Thanks for sharing your insights and life lessons. It's always good to hear from other mom's who have been where I am going!
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