Call to Fast

Don't know how aware you are of what is going on with our brothers and sisters in Christ over in Ira**q, but one of our local Christian radio stations is relaying information about MANY Ira**qi Christians being killed JUST because they are Believers. One organization in particular is reporting 100's of text messages begging for prayers from within the country. These Believers are truly fearing for their very lives. We THINK we have fears, but as Westerners we don't even know the beginning of true fear JUST because we follow Christ.

Tomorrow, Friday, October 17--the radio station among others are calling for a one day fast from SOMEthing and pray for these precious people instead of partaking in whatever you give up. It's the least we can do as fellow believers.

Blessings

Birthday!

Sad to say that since I have started working full-time my beloved blog takes a back seat to the necessities of daily living. That being said---I didn't even get to post on Monday about PandaGirl's 6th birthday. Pooh. We gave her gifts on Monday night which included a new BIKE---woohooo! She hasn't had one since she was three (I think). At first she was scared, but once she got the hang of it she didn't want to stop. ; ) I can't believe our little one is already SIX!!! I am now understanding a little better when parents of teenagers or adults say things like, "enjoy them while you can, because they grow up too fast." So true.

PG looking darling and ready for her guests to arrive at her Mulan Chinese Birthday party on Saturday!

Around January PG decided that she wanted her 6th birthday party to be "Mulan". She ADORES both Mulan movies and I love watching her be in love with such a beautiful Chinese girl. Does my heart good to see her connect to her heritage. I made her invitations by putting a Chinese character sticker in black on the front of a red card. The inside read:

Pandas, Pagodas
Mulan & Mushu
We're excited to invite you

To eat Chinese
Noodles & Rice with chopsticks
Zoe Xiao Cha is turning SIX!

Then I put it in a black envelope. Very cute. ; )


PandaPop brought in Panda Express---PG's FAVORITE---for lunch. I don't really like Panda Express much at all, because it always tastes like freezer food popped in the microwave, however, having it freshly made just for us made it taste REALLY yummy!

Decorating a table is one of my most favorite things to do. I very much enjoyed putting several of our Asian themed items together to make the table so cute! One of PandaGirl's friends from school is from Korea, one from Vietnam and of course, one of her church friends is from China. They all wore their darling Asian dresses and ate with chopsticks! Other friends joined us as well.

The kids enjoyed making their very own candy sushi. I had them each choose their "fillings" made from assorted gummi candies, twizzlers, pretzels all wrapped up in Rice Krispy Treats and Fruit Roll-ups. They LOVED them!

I had so much fun gathering goodies for the party favors. Of course, I HAD to have Chinese take-out boxes, fans, Chinese toys, chopsticks and a fortune cookie!

Getting in a little Jeep time with cousins.

PandaGirl had a great time and we are all pooped! ; )

4th Tea Time

I always love this time of year! I adore anything fall and was blessed by the Lord to have my daughter's birthday in October. PandaGirl's 6th birthday is this coming Monday on the 6th. She also just lost her 6th tooth today. Hmmmm....something about that "6" this year, I guess. ; )

As per our tradition, we went to a tearoom today to celebrate PG's b-day and of course, she got to pick out a new teacup for her collection. This was our fourth time to participate in this darling tradition and our special guests this were her Daddy's parents. It just so happens that they were passing through town on this day and we wanted them to be a part of this sweet time. Next year's special guests will be PG's other grandparents.

PandaGirl decided to add to her teacup collection a beautiful Blue Willow cup and saucer which we pulled out for her to use at lunch since the tearoom's cups were...less than dainty.

I always love tearoom food!

This was a very fun chandelier!

Where Did I Go?

Oh where, oh where has my inner self gone?
Oh where, oh where could I be?

With my time cut short and my work still here,
Oh where, oh where could I be?

Oh. My. Goodness. By looking at the graphic you might think I am sick of being at home doing all those mom things.
Nuh-uh.
Just the opposite.
I can't wait to be back at HOME!

How do you do it? If you work a full-time job outside (or inside) the home AND have children....please, let me give you some applause. THIS IS SO HARD! Friends ask me all the time "how's your new job?", "do you love your new job?", "what's it like going back to work?". I want so desperately to answer with a smiling face and say, "WONDERFUL!", but I find myself, instead, prefacing all my answers with this, "it is a huge blessing to have the job, but my last day is June 5th." Seriously, there is NO doubt that God handed me this job on a silver platter with sparkly bows on it so that we could fund our adoption. However, the REALITY of working full time is killing me! This working full-time thing is really interfering with my life! LOL! ; )

On the bright side there are some benefits via my job experience:

~once I return to my domain as a Stay-At-Home-Mom, I will SOOOOOO appreciate my role and do it with gusto, enjoying all I can and providing for my family in every way possible.

~my brain has turned to mush after being home for five years. I need to exercise it daily in order to not end up in a looney bin with no brain cells in my old age.

~the adoption will be paid for. BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE!!!

~we have a little extra "play" money to get some things we have needed and wanted for awhile.

~I feel that my college degree is actually being used instead of just hanging all on the wall in a pretty frame.

~my faith has to be evident in my walk and talk in front of non-believers....ya know, "those" people outside of our Christian bubble who need to experience Jesus in a positive light.

~I have always valued my time with PandaPop and PandaGirl, but even more so now that I don't get to see them as often.

~my eyes have been opened W-I-D-E to how so many families in our church must feel all time...tired, run-down, exhausted, pooped out, frustrated, frayed, weary...and then come to church and volunteer even more time.

Ever since I found out this speech therapist position was open in mid-August, I have been running around like a chicken with her blonde head cut off. Not a pretty sight. Lots of hormonal fun. Smile. Also add to the mix that my baby started Kindergarten, we packed and moved into a different house, we surfed through hurricanes in Haiti with our little guy we "were" adopting, learned that he had a blood transfusion then later learned that we couldn't adopt him after all---and all this along with all my job responsiblities that are JUST now making sense. Whew. I have been on an emotional roller-coaster with no seatbelt and my head hanging over the side of the car at every turn. I have not been a pretty sight to my family. I am praying fervently for ME to come back to the land of the living and get "it" together---as if I EVER had "it" together, but at least I wasn't a mean grumpy person before working. I can't be this way until June. I just can't. Somewhere I have to find a balance between all of this stuff and thrive, not just survive.

I must say that I have asked for forgiveness for EVER taking my job as a SAHM lightly. I have come to realize that being a stay at home mom is not only FUN--despite all the chaos and frustrations of being home all day with little ones--but it is truly an honor, privilege and gift from the Lord. My hope is that SOMEbody, ANYbody will take encouragement from this post and find a way to enjoy your season "at home" and don't take it for granted...you just might HAVE to go back to work someday!!! AHHHH!

Thank you, Jehovah Jireh (Old Testament name for God meaning "my Provider") for the job. Thank you for letting me experience life as a stay-at-home-mom when some people don't ever have that opportunity. Thank you that the plans are that I will return to that job and will do my very best to honor You in all that I do. Thank you.

Was This Written for Me?

"Will Not Be Moved"
by Natalie Grant

I have been the wayward child
I have acted out
I have questioned Sovereignty
And had my share of doubt
And though sometimes my prayers feel like
They're bouncing off the sky
The hand I hold won't let me go
And is the reason why...

[Chorus:]
I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved

Bitterness has plagued my heart
Many times before
My life has been like broken glass
And I have kept the score
Of all my shattered dreams and though it seemed
That I was far too gone
My brokenness helped me to see
It's grace I'm standing on

[Chorus]

And the chaos in my life
Has been a badge I've worn
Though I have been torn
I will not be moved

[Chorus]

Natalie Grant's newest song not only sounds great, but is everything my heart is screaming right now in the midst of finding God's will for our family. I LOVE THIS SONG. May God receive all the glory from whatever comes from our struggle to build our family. He is worth it.

update

You have to read the previous post to appreciate and understand this one. Sunday morning at church was amazing. The worship was all about God being my firm foundation and how He sees each tear that falls, He knows my name and there are No orphans of God. My most amazing and wonderful pastor preached the end of a sermon series from the Old Testament book of Habakkuk. Little did he know that my life verse for the past 19 years has been Hab. 3:19..."The Lord God is my strength. He will make my feet like hind's feet and make me walk upon my high places." I read Hind's Feet on High Places in 1989 and was forever changed from it. That's where the verse stems from for me. God has a plan. We have no clue what it is, but He has one none-the-less. Thank you for all the sweet, genuine words you all commented to me. They blessed my soul beyond measure. I pray blessings on you in return.

Much love.

When the Bow Breaks...

...the cradle will...

You know the rest of the ridiculous nursery rhyme. What a harsh way to treat a baby.

Well, that is, if you can get one.

I am so sick and tired of this song and dance of trying to add to our family. We love PandaGirl so much and if God finally says she is all we get, then what a blessing. However, WHY has He put it in our hearts to have another yet we can't ever seem to get them?

Why all the yammering from me?

We found out the little boy we have a picture (not a referral) of from Haiti is not going to work out for our family. Turns out that he is VERY sick with several critical issues, struggling to hang on. It makes me cringe to think about not continuing the path to him after so much prayer, but we just can't go on with that adoption. Please don't judge. If you have never gone through an adoption process you have no idea how painstakingly awful it is. The decisions to accept or not accept certain aspects of a child is heart-wrenching at best.

I am at a loss. What do we do? God provided this new job for me to provide for an adoption. I certainly wouldn't have gone out just for fun and gotten a job. That in itself is stressing me out like crazy.

I cannot begin to tell how many times we have attempted to adopt since December of 2004. Our poor PandaGirl is so confused about who/when/IF she will ever have siblings. She is so faithful to pray for them and then::POOF. "Sorry, baby girl, nix THAT one off the list because we aren't adopting them after all." I guess it's just a front and center life lesson for PG to learn how our plans certainly aren't God's plans and that we must trust Him though we don't understand. She even cried last night when we told her we weren't pursuing "Name we've been praying for" because he was so sick we couldn't get him. What kind of message does that send? Is she thinking that if SHE gets sick we won't keep her either? Who knows what goes through her little mind? She can't comprehend the depth of his sickness and that it isn't just a cold to take medicine for and get better.

We haven't called off Haiti, but seriously, we are at a holding point. I think PandaPop and I have come to the conclusion if one more shot at getting a kid doesn't work out then we'll just forget it and move on as a family of three. Can't imagine that because, again, WHY would God have put it so deeply in the desires of my heart to have more than one child and not let us have them? Crazier things have happened.

To my church friends who read this: sorry. Sorry that you will see me at church with a smile and my usual giddy spirit and wonder "is she faking it"??? Well, nope. I have been really sad and down about this whole thing. Pity party for some time now. The only reason I can smile and be joyful is because of the hope I have in Jesus. I know God is in control. I can't possibly understand Him. Though I know the Truth-- I have to fight not being even a little mad at Him for "doing" this to me. I sat this week with a young teen in a speech therapy session at work who probably has drug-laden babies all over the place from all his unsacred relations with young teen girls whose babies will more than likely be neglected and abused. I can say this with confidence because he has literally fried his brain by huffing and sniffing glue as a kid.

But HE and some little girl can bear children??? Makes no sense.

But, then again, neither does my free salvation from hell.

God is good all the time. All the time God is good.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12

The Two Week Rundown...

What a whirlwind of the past two weeks! From my 38th birthday, adjusting to working full-time, praying my heart out over Haiti and hurricanes, to moving for the 14th time in 16 years, I am pooped! Here are a few things from the past several days:

PandaGirl lost TWO more teeth making a total of FIVE since last November. Poor girl can hardly eat! Maybe I should pull MY teeth and lose weight....nah...I'd just drink chocolate malts. Hmph.

Went to Red Lobster for my b-day like I've done every year since I was a little girl. The food isn't so fabulous, but the nostalgia of always going---keeps me going.

For my birthday my Wild & Precious dear friend made me this domino pendant. It has to be one of the BEST handmade gifts I have ever gotten. She put a map of Haiti behind the Chinese characters for "Life" which is what PandaGirl's real name means. Zoe is Life in Greek. THEN----to make it even more perfect and personal the number of the domino is 12 and my sweet friend had no idea that 12 has been my favorite number since I was a child and that it "follows" me everywhere in many different situations. I am in no way a freak about superstitous numbers, but it is amazing HOW MANY times that number has been a part of my life. Anyway, this is such a great and personal gift!

Teddy Bear picnic at school.

PG had a friend come over after church last week. These two LOVE each other soooo much! They even look like twins from the back with their hair the same length. Sweet friends with a bond like few others. Mmm.

My Guatemala Mission Trip girls took me out for my birthday. We are great friends and love talking about our bond of the mission trip back in February.

Welcome to our humble new-to-us abode. I love it! Little things about it just keeping growing on me moment by moment. PandaGirl is so excited because "all her life" she has wanted a house with stairs! LOL!

My eyes have seen this scene waaaaaaay too many times. The fun part, though is that with each move I have gotten to set up house which I love. THIS house is my favorite in which we have ever lived. We hope to be here for quite some time.

Clifford the Big Red Dog on his 500lb way to the garage with muddy feet...not good for the brand new carpet...during the rain until PP can build him adequate shelter. NOTE: The other part of The Fur went to a new home with marathon runners and gets to be an inside doggy now. Good life.

Miao finding security anywhere he can in his new home. Actually, he is adjusting quite well.

The cutest Kindergartener I've ever seen! ; )

Well, tomorrow I'm off to the land of the working---just 8 1/2 more months to go! Yippee! ; )

Homeless

I've been bawling my eyes out for the last hour and a half finishing the last half of this book.

Literally tears STREAMING down my cheeks almost non-stop.

This book moved me more than any I have ever read. I encourage you to read it, too.

Making it even more real is the fact that PandaPop and I used to live very close to all the locations described in this book. When I would read about the Mission or any of the places in Ft. Worth I pictured it in my mind because I have been there.

God works in mysterious ways and we are all homeless until we--who choose to believe in Jesus Christ as our Savior--get to the other side of eternity.

I Wanna Be in the Light...

For you have delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before God in the LIGHT of life.
Psalm 56:13

Happy Birthday to Me, Myself and I!

Oh me oh my. 38?

I have always loved my birthday and tell everyone that it is to be celebrated with joy!

Last night I went to check my email and my precious mom sent me an e-card. When I opened it up I noticed the pictures and music were pretty, but when I went on to read her writing or rather, her heart, I couldn't help but let the tears stream. I called her immediately and told her that those words were THE sweetest she had ever written to me. She is a phenomenal writer by God's gifting. I have seen her talent at work countless times over the years. However, today those words pierce my heart and I am forever grateful. Thanks, Mom. (My middle name is Dawn so that's why 5:34am is significant. She named me for the sunrise and new beginnings).

Here's exactly what she wrote:

Seasons come, and seasons go, but nothing surpasses that early morning horizon of pink skies 38 years ago when I awoke to the greatest change of my life. Excitement was in the air. Fear of the unknown wreaked my mind and nature took over my body. My heart raced out of control. The streets were empty in the early morning hour. The fresh autumn air filled my craving lungs. Mystery lay ahead. My beloved husband & precious little son & I rapidly gathered ourselves together for a new journey. They both lovingly patted me & rubbed my arms & back, knowing there was nothing anyone could do to change the events of the moment. No words were needed, though they came softly & kindly from both. The beginning of a new day: the "Dawn" was breaking, the surprise, the joy ruled. For GOD spoke LIFE ... blessing ...changed lives...and at exactly 5:34 AM a new little girl entered this earth... with a wrinkled up little nose, & tiny "rose bud" lips that whispered, "Happy Birthday, MOMMY ...(& Daddy)

A Little Bit-O-Fun...

Woke up this morning ready to make homemade pancakes and very excited to be "off" of work for a holiday. Now that I am working five days a week I REALLY appreciate the time being at home and with my family which is where I am supposed to be. Smile.

Went here today looking specifically for a kitchen island for the new house we are moving into next week. Found one and can't wait to show you!!!! It is sooo awesome and waaaaay better than what I was even thinking of! Woohoo!



The COOLEST thing happened when we got to the store. I've only read about other bloggers actually getting meet people they have been blogging with in person, but today it happened to me!!! We were walking out of the restrooms gearing up for the 26mile hike through the store's maze when I looked up and instantly recognized a blogger mom with a little girl from Taiwan. I immediately said, "Hey! Aren't you a blogger and this is your daughter, Laney?!" What a hoot!!!! We live just about 45 minutes away from each other and had communicated awhile back when we first looked into adopting from Taiwan. It was a GREAT and FUN meeting! You can check them out

HERE!

Aren't these just the CUTEST little cups and snack bowls from IKEA?

Have been wanting a stair-step spice rack forever and finally picked one up at The Container Store. Love looking at all my spices now! LOL!

Made this yummy cherry pie from scratch. Helloooooo Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream.

PG, PP and I sorting construction paper for the new Kindergarten class as volunteers.

Don't you just LOVE to sort things?! ; )

Well---thankful for the long weekend, but it's back to the grind in the morning....thank you, LORD for the job!

Kindergarten Success!

All in all I have to say that PandaGirl loves her Kindergarten class and teacher. Although, on Wednesday, the third day after the novelty of the first two days had worn off she was downcast in her face when I picked her up. I asked her what was wrong and she responded with, "I really missed my mom and dad today." Sniff, sniff.....from Mommy! She had little tears in her eyes and it just about killed me!!!!! She is doing great and was bee-boppin' all around the next two days.

Thanks for your prayers on her behalf and on behalf of our little man in Haiti wading through Gustav as well as for me starting my new job full-time. We are having to adjust to our new lifestyle, but it is what we need to do to bring our son home. Believe me---I can't wait until June 6th when I become a SAHM again! ; )

This is our little monkey in action before school...

Call to Prayer, Please

I am fully aware that most of you do not think of the country of Haiti in your daily list of to do's. We, however, after starting our adoption process to get our son from there have kept it at the forefront of our minds. Hurricane Gustav that all of America is looking at as a threat to the coastline hit Haiti today. The actual landfall was about 5 hours away from our little guy, but there is devastation none-the-less. The food supply there is already minimal and lacking---the hurricane season makes it all the worse.

Last week our program coordinator from our agency went to Haiti for a visit. I asked her to make sure and take lots of pictures, but more importantly to SPEAK the precious name of Jesus over him. Not only did she do that, but the photographer grabbed him and started speaking and praying blessings over our son. That brought tears to my eyes and joy to my soul. He is a world away, but right here in our hearts. God knows exactly the plans He has for him and can protect him far better than we can.

We have a little heart down there in the middle of all that water. Please pray for his safety, ability to get adequate food and shelter and for his care-takers. It is great knowing who he is up-front in the adoption process, but it makes us hit our knees even harder since he isn't in our care. Thanks, y'all.

First Day of...

PandaGirl got off to a great start and loves Kindergarten!

Let's Back Up a Bit...

Well, I am back. It was just a short break in order to gather my wits. Thank you for your prayers and for still commenting and checking on me.

THANK YOU TO WHOMEVER DECIDED TO ADD ANOTHER $100 TO OUR CHIP-IN ACCOUNT FOR THE ADOPTION!!!!!

We found a place to live and will move mid-Sept, I got a job and don't have to sub, PandaPop got all his stuff worked out for kicking off the new "year" at church, PandaGirl has three new loose teeth and I am seeing light at the end of this tunnel. ; ) Thank you again for the break and for being such good cyberspace friends!


I think I kinda left off my posting with our excitement over the Olympic opening ceremonies. Well, we had a blast getting a little table all set up in front of the TV with Chinese food for all the festivities. We must have forgotten from years past that the program was sooooo long. We ended at 10:00PM and watched the rest that we DVRd the next day. Good memories made!

A few weeks ago someone blessed PG with this darling "pre-owned" Jeep that really drives! Her Jeep sitting right beside her Daddy's black Jeep is soooooo darn cute!

Praise the Lord and hallelujah-----I got the speech therapy job!!!!!!!!!!

On Friday morning, Aug. 15th at 8:30am I got the call that offered me the full-time position at two different middle schools for the year. I cried when the HR person called me because it was an INSTANT knowledge that our adoption would be paid for and that GOD had completely orchestrated the whole thing! I can say that I don't want to work full-time, but this is a means to an end and that end being to bring our son home from Haiti. THAT keeps me motivated. I am already looking forward to being a SAHM again come the end of May. LOL!

PG making cupcakes in honor of heading off to Kindergarten on Monday.

PandaPop and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary on Friday night! Can't believe it's been THAT long! Whew! He dyed his hair HIMSELF while I was gone, because I was really tired of the nasty chartreuse green that was on his head....now THAT is a real man who can color his own hair! LOL!

My sweet baby PandaGirl starts Kindergarten in the morning!!!!!!! She is very excited, but nervous as well. I am glad that I have a full-time job to keep me occupied while she is gone to school. I was in dreamland the other day while on my lunch break of all the wonderful times we had during the two year span of our precious White Swan playgroup. NOTHING will ever replace those memories of watching our little Chinese cuties grow and play together at the park, the mall, holidays and each others' birthdays. All such sweet, sweet blessings. Good times. However, life moves right on along and we are now in a different phase. Can't wait to see and experience all that Kindergarten has to offer! Check back later for a "first day of school" update!