To Be Held...

Natalie Grant sings a song called "Held" that was actually written by a friend of hers who wrote the lyrics after another friend and her husband had gone through years of miscarriages and infertility issues, finally had a baby and then that baby died at the age of two months from SIDS. I heard Natalie sing this at the Women of Faith Conference this past August. Tears were just flowing down my face. I have never experienced pain like losing a child and I never want to know that kind of pain, but I do know that in the midst of any amount of pain in my life that my Savior is always here to hold me and comfort me. There is something better awaiting those of us who believe that He is who He says He is and that He can do what He says He can do. I am identifying with this particular song right now because it finally hit me down deep that we aren't going back to China for our little girl. At least not anytime soon. I think my defense mechanism kicked in when I found out we couldn't go and I just got all worked up about moving on to the next thing. PandaPop was very hurt over the whole thing and I guess my subconscious just didn't want to deal with it at all. We are moving on, but I am not sure exactly what road to take. I know that God is in control. That doesn't stop the hurt though. He said that we'd have trials and tribulations while here on earth. I am aware of the countless blessings that He bestows on my life. I am truly grateful and tell Him so all the time. I just wonder sometimes why building our family is so difficult. I see others even those so close to me and wonder why they can have several kids and we struggle for one. Now two seems to be eluding us as well. I adore PandaGirl. She is perfect for us. I am just feeling very melancholy over the "loss" of dreams that were built around two little Asian girls. God is the Giver of all good things. He will take care of us. I believe that. Someone compiled this video montage with the song. I hope you are blessed as I was. I think we all want to be "held" at some time or another. Be blessed.